How my confidence fell

I was very confident when I joined my sister's enjoyment of horses.  I jumped on a pony without a second thought and would ride with radiating confidence.  I would trot on trail rides and go off alone as-well.  Until the first fall.  Ok it was not really a 'fall' it was just a 'horse spooks and you dangle off the edge of the saddle until you pull yourself back up' moment.  So that kind of worried me but I continued riding and was only a little nervous.  That nervousness was soon over come.

 Until I actually fell off.  That hurt and I again became nervous.  Only a little nervous though.  Until the horse spooked again.  Nervous bar is up to 3/10.  Then I came off again which was entirely my fault cause I cantered when I shouldn't have and the horse would not stop.  So I had another friendly reunion with the ground.  So I am starting to get fairly nervous but not nervous enough to stop riding. I continue to get back on the horse. So a couple of spooks later on Taya's Nervous-meter the bar is up to 7.

 Now I am back on the lead rope.  I am very nervous and I am afraid I will fall off again.  Well guess what happens a few weeks later? No, actually I didn't fall off.  I actually got a little bit more confident and was riding a GINORMOUS horse called Lothar - yeah you know the one.  So I am feeling more confident and was at a friend's house when she convinced me into riding a 2 year old pony - in the process of being broken in - BAREBACK with nothing to hold on to.  Yeah, not a good plan.  The horse was fine it just under-estimated my hight with a tree branch and when I told him not to go under it he spooked and took off from underneath me.  So I came off again.

 Now I am really nervous and am on the lead rope.  However there is a trail ride coming up this weekend and I will either not be able to go or will have to ride without a lead rope.  A few days before the ride I go stuff it I am going to ride this pony!  It was a really good ride.  So I went on the trail ride.  When there was the biggest spook ever.  My horse took off at a canter and if it was not for the saddle I was in I would be flat on the ground.  So now I am very nervous and am continuing with the lead rope for a while and am doing a lot of trust based things with my horse.  I also have become great friends with the ground!